Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Freewrites, Damien Rice, Hunger

1) i was probably three years old and she brought up a christmas bush and i stared and whined and complained because Dad wasn't home he was away one business and she brough home a christmas bush, not a tree and it was terrible because who the hell doesn't have a christmas three for christmas and in my three year old mind i lookd up at my other and was like what the fuck mom seriously what the fuck so my mother being the doting and caring thing she is goes out and buys the next best thing being as how we were already on the cusp of christmas and going out to get a fresh three would be a pain in the ass she gets a plastic one that you have to asslemble and straighten out the brainches and screw on the limbs and trunk but still to a three year old it was a tree a fucking christmas tree and it was good enough but then we had problems assembling it because my mother's french and teh french don't take the time to read the directions because we alredy know what the hell we're doing and i complained and said that we needed Dad because Dad knows how to fix everything and then his mother an embittered divorcee who broke it off with my grandfather a few short years before pipes up that "We don't need a man" and this sentiment was forever engrained into my premature brain and carried through every heartbreak, crush, break up and bang up between the male species and i and most people question why i am the feminist i am and i blame it on my bitter grandmother who has not yet fullly recovered from the divorce because i don't think it was so much that he didn't love her or want to be with her it was more like he didn't see through and my grandmother ALWAYS completes a task and i also think that to her divorce is looked down upon and only happens to stupid, selfish, and lazy people and if my grandmother hates one thing then it is lazy people so finally we got that damn tree up and the christmas bush was caput and ever since we have always used that damn tree at every christmas because it is artificial and it lasts and its symbolic and it's what christmas is really all about because honestly who the fuck uses a christmas bush and who thinks that a 3 yr old tv extraordinare would ever celebrate with presents under a bush? i love my mother but if we would have kept that bush then she would've robbed me of traditional values, but then my grandmother already did when she instilled in me the feministic viewpoint of embittered girl power and success all because we could figure out how to assemble a plastic tree so even as a 3 yr old i knew that because of pop culture Christmas trees were at least a major tradition/symbol of christmas and that bc my mother fucked up that we would not really be celebrating christmas at all and that we were just halfassing my time to get presents and we weren't celebrating shit

2) it's probably 1998 i am 8 yrs old and i am watching mindlessly the blaring television that is betraying apathetic teenagers who are drowning in the grunge scene and who are bitching about their all too suburban environment and i'm watching the main character Daria who like me is a brunette and whose uncaring attitude and seemingly smart antics makes me wish to be like her at least in high school when i was 8 i used to play high school all the time dressing up and carrying books and meeting up with my boyfriend at the mall calling all my friends to drive around in our limo Yes, that was high school to an 8 yr old and watching the angry apathetic brunette made me all the more attuned to grungy girl power and the independence of being a teenager in high school but really i wasn't understanding the story like most children just watching like a vegetable at the pretty moving pictures and occasionally adopting inappropriate commentary that was being subliminally capsuled into my impressionable mind and then as i am absorbed into this fantasy land of cartoon Daria goes "Damn" which is pretty much the only curse word the show used frequently right as my dad walks in and says Hey, this isn't appropriate and for some reason i have always remembered that moment watching daria not so much the plot of the shows but having my father say that what i was watching was inherently bad and that was such a teenage sceneario that i continued to watch the show in secret because i felt like i was in some secret grown up society where i was allowing myslef to do something that my parents forbid and THAT felt really grown up i was always a tv kid in those days lazing around and watching shows or disney movies or whatever kind of story could be told to me as there was nothing to do as an only child daria was someone cool and untouchable and i felt that if i could watch her i could somehow be like her and be someone who had this whole active adult life going eight years old sometimes i run into to people well beyond the age of 8 who still try to pretend that they have such a great adult life when really, they're just imitating Daria or whoeverelse seems too important to care what's actually going on in the world around them and in some sense Daria may be the more recent Raskolnikov from Crime & Punishment who believes that he is the godlike figure that can take lives and not be ashamed by his murders now i'm not saying Daria is a murderer or anything but she is like that wannabe Napolean in that she portrays the godlike human who doesn't have normal human reactions to the society around them Daria was an apathetic teenager who judged the overly stereotypical life around her with a sense of condescendment...that doesn't sound right...the word not the idea anyway it's just a moment of my childhood tv watching experience that has always stuck with me for i think a big subliminal reason

3)Winnie the Pooh was to a 2 year old a freaking genius i was a winnie the pooh kid i had the stuffed animal the movies the apparel just everything and i would watch the movies and shows all the time and caused the death of a few videos because of my avid tv watching
habits what was custom and really legendery to my family now is that i would have my marching ritual at the end of one particualar pooh episode where winnie was stuck in rabbit's hole from eating waaaay too much honey well with the help from the gang pooh was set free and so they had a celebration in each they had a celebratory march well everytime they would march i would toddle upwards and march along with the gang singing in my high pitched voice "hooray for pooh! hooray for pooh!" this would go one for at least a half an hour as i would demand my parents to rewind the part over and over again so i could feel the happiness and the celebration of freeing the beloved fat bear its almost scary to see how people especially young kids become so easily moved at the solution of a problem that is found by strangers or even obese cartoon animals but communicating with them and watching them alone i probably felt as if i was apart of the real thing i think the reason my parents put me in front of the televison so much was that i was such a low energy kid (and pretty much still am depending on the situation) and that i was an only child and that they were working and busy doing other things that the tv was the best baby sitter ever and i don't chastise them for that whatsoever because as a 2 and 3 yr old i established a connection in that i understood how to celebrate happiness at the triumph of someone's problem i'm just happy that i wasn't watching beevis and butthead or south park at the time as i was easily influenced by fictional characters


  1. These were very interesting stories. The plots were good and did a good job of exploring times of impact in your life. I hope to see at least one of these edited, but all three are good as drafts. Good job! :)