Thursday, September 29, 2011

Reading some of the past posts enlightens me, disgusts me, and yet further convinces me that we will always change. Our opinions and sometimes our hearts, for the better and for the worse. So what became of me? Branded with a mental illness, jumping headfirst into uncertainty in my new identity. It shouldn't be this way. It's not all of who I am. But it's my mind. And that's who I am. I'm at a new school, again. I'm staying here (hopefully/more than likely). You know what I really miss about Tech? I miss the freedom. I miss the freedom of cussing in class, being completely outspoken and borderline offensive. I miss being comedic and confident. I am these things, but toned down. Going to a Christian college kinda sucks. Especially in a town where there is nothing to do. No wonder there is a Meth/Cocaine epidemic. And people here are way too fucking into Jesus. But there is some highlights. I have no friends here. It was easier at Tech. I met so many wonderful people. But here? I've no clue. Sometimes I feel so weak and broken from adversity, that I'll just crack open completely and lose it again. Life is too beautiful to feel the way I feel. I miss writing eloquently. I miss people of substance. I. I. I. Shut Up. Don't look back. With anger. Or hurt. Resentment, grudges, pain, envy. To quote a nonexistent person: Just shut the fuck up and dance.

Monday, September 26, 2011

it's so good to see you

hey now. i remember this realm.
good knight, i couldn't even go on to
begin with how much has changed
since these long artsy-emotionally
errupted postings. and idk where
to begin.