Saturday, November 12, 2011

i tend to hold myself accountable for things i couldn't help

as i'm writing this first sentence, i'm trying to think of what the title of this mind nugget should be. irrelevant. i got back from leia's. i was there for like 5 or so hours. we drank coconut rum.watched Water for Elephants.and talked about things i've never been through. but this is the most selfish point of this nugget, beneath the white meat. it's the nucleus of the molecule of the grease. watching Water for Elephants inspired me to want to take writing seriously again. career level wise. to be a screenplay writer if anything, like i've always wanted to do. like i told myself when i was driving and sobbing and telling myself aloud all the things i just really wanted at that moment. like for some prick who i wanted to love me back, for all my dreams to come true, for me to be stable for once. maybe i've never been quite stable or maybe stable enough to get me through or maybe we're all just lying to ourselves about our own stability and who really can define what stability is? ...can you tell it's almost 3 am ^_^. all of these neg thoughts are brewing and attacking and are utterly meaningless. idk what i'm trying to do. what you're trying to pull. i hope this post proves just how crazy i really am. jk. there's not a thing in this world that could depict my insanity bc no one really has that much time to waste.

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