men are terrible.

men are terrible.
terribly honest,
terribly not.
terribly romantic,
terribly cold.
terribly stupid,
see above.

Reading some of the past posts enlightens me, disgusts me, and yet further convinces me that we will always change. Our opinions and sometimes our hearts, for the better and for the worse. So what became of me? Branded with a mental illness, jumping headfirst into uncertainty in my new identity. It shouldn't be this way. It's not all of who I am. But it's my mind. And that's who I am. I'm at a new school, again. I'm staying here (hopefully/more than likely). You know what I really miss about Tech? I miss the freedom. I miss the freedom of cussing in class, being completely outspoken and borderline offensive. I miss being comedic and confident. I am these things, but toned down. Going to a Christian college kinda sucks. Especially in a town where there is nothing to do. No wonder there is a Meth/Cocaine epidemic. And people here are way too fucking into Jesus. But there is some highlights. I have no friends here. It was easier at Tech. I met so many wonderful people. But here? I've no clue. Sometimes I feel so weak and broken from adversity, that I'll just crack open completely and lose it again. Life is too beautiful to feel the way I feel. I miss writing eloquently. I miss people of substance. I. I. I. Shut Up. Don't look back. With anger. Or hurt. Resentment, grudges, pain, envy. To quote a nonexistent person: Just shut the fuck up and dance.

it's so good to see you

hey now. i remember this realm.
good knight, i couldn't even go on to
begin with how much has changed
since these long artsy-emotionally
errupted postings. and idk where
to begin.

For starters & leftovers.

Starters

-Religious "experiences"

-Straight Vodka

-Impromptu Roadtrip for Love

-Psychic phenomena

-Self-Discovery

-Metamorphism

-Unfiltered Honesty

-Health Extremes

Leftovers

-Stress

-Insecurity

-Envy

-Patience

-Confidence

-Insomnia

All in all, I'm still processing.

It's amazing.

I'm bettter.

IF YOU WANT TO TALK MY THOUGHTS ARE THE POST-ITS ON YOUR WINDSHIELD

I'm writing in my journal again. I forgot how freeing it was to write by hand. Since I practically hang out with my Cookietown friends every single night the only things my hands have been occupying are cigarettes or other substances of indulgence. I like blogging a lot, but journaling is more.... soulful.

On that random note, I Hate Facebook. It's nauseatingly simplistic, wrought with spineless vanity, and is an idle addiction. I mean since when the FUCK do we have to let our friends, family members, and possible one night stands know that we're eating Cheerios at 4 am and that aShlEy or m3g@n "likes this". Jesus Christ, is this really what the humans have come to? Remember when people had that thing called ummmm what is it? oh yeah! SUBSTANCE?! or hey, even I don't know, a LIFE?!

But the kicker is, EVERYBODY has one. Well, except my Mom because she, you know, WORKS. And because EVERYBODY has one and because I suck hard at keeping in touch with people and because I want to know what happens to EVERYBODY, what they're doing, feeling, thinking, going through, and yes, even what kind of cereal their eating. Not really, but you get the picture. All because the world is a sphere of happenings and being someone who has been in several life threatening situations, I want to connect with the humans. Damn it.

This blog post will be longer sometime in the near future.
I'm hungover.
& I "like this".

why errbody gotta hate on smokers?

i think it's bullshit that our campus is going to be "smoke free".
why are they taking away one of my liberties, when they have
done nothing to accomodate smokers in the first place?
they say that smokers are trashing the school, and are smoking too
close to entry ways when really it's because we don't have a
fucking shelter to smoke in. you want to complain about 2nd hand?
give me a gazebo to smoke in like Berea college has in Kentucky.
Those are the only designated places one can go to smoke. I think
if Tech had that then there wouldn't be as many problems but
NO.
i think the only reason why people are even paying attention to
cigarettes is because that's what the current socialist movement
in our country is looking at: how they're getting more expensive,
how much health issues they cause, how this, how that.
who gives a fuck.
honestly, why is it of anyone's concern?
it's personal choice.

i'm still here

Play: Thursday by the Pursuits

... ... ... ...



all is well.
my last final of freshman fall semester is at 3:30.
i opened my diary last night.
there were only a few entries from the beginning
of this year.
it was rather disappointing.
i wish i would have documented my experience
more thoroughly, yet this blog has helped do that
somewhat.
this semester has been a blur.
i feel like August was a million miles away
and i've changed for the better.
i've grown up severely.

it's odd.
everyone thinks that they have a
decent amount of maturity, but then
life happens and you realize you're
not as prepared as you thought.

next semester will be very busy, but
i'll get through it.
i'm just happy i'm staying here.
i thought that I would lose my scholarship
but misinformation is usually the heart
of drama, and i'm in the clear.

my room is in shambles.
there is a pile of clothes that is blockading
the closet, stuffed under the bed with "a shit
ton" of "random" .. well shit.
every surface in the room is covered
with junk.
my closet is a mess of shoes and
shirt and a gigantor guitar case.
i must clean.

tomorrow i am going back to Memphis.
i am excited, but i will miss my Cookeville friends.
i think it will be a good break for us, though, because
we hang out every single day.
that'll have to change come next semester.
i'll be crazybusy.
oh, well.

c'est la vie (that's probably spelled incorrectly..)