why errbody gotta hate on smokers?

i think it's bullshit that our campus is going to be "smoke free".
why are they taking away one of my liberties, when they have
done nothing to accomodate smokers in the first place?
they say that smokers are trashing the school, and are smoking too
close to entry ways when really it's because we don't have a
fucking shelter to smoke in. you want to complain about 2nd hand?
give me a gazebo to smoke in like Berea college has in Kentucky.
Those are the only designated places one can go to smoke. I think
if Tech had that then there wouldn't be as many problems but
NO.
i think the only reason why people are even paying attention to
cigarettes is because that's what the current socialist movement
in our country is looking at: how they're getting more expensive,
how much health issues they cause, how this, how that.
who gives a fuck.
honestly, why is it of anyone's concern?
it's personal choice.

i'm still here

Play: Thursday by the Pursuits

... ... ... ...



all is well.
my last final of freshman fall semester is at 3:30.
i opened my diary last night.
there were only a few entries from the beginning
of this year.
it was rather disappointing.
i wish i would have documented my experience
more thoroughly, yet this blog has helped do that
somewhat.
this semester has been a blur.
i feel like August was a million miles away
and i've changed for the better.
i've grown up severely.

it's odd.
everyone thinks that they have a
decent amount of maturity, but then
life happens and you realize you're
not as prepared as you thought.

next semester will be very busy, but
i'll get through it.
i'm just happy i'm staying here.
i thought that I would lose my scholarship
but misinformation is usually the heart
of drama, and i'm in the clear.

my room is in shambles.
there is a pile of clothes that is blockading
the closet, stuffed under the bed with "a shit
ton" of "random" .. well shit.
every surface in the room is covered
with junk.
my closet is a mess of shoes and
shirt and a gigantor guitar case.
i must clean.

tomorrow i am going back to Memphis.
i am excited, but i will miss my Cookeville friends.
i think it will be a good break for us, though, because
we hang out every single day.
that'll have to change come next semester.
i'll be crazybusy.
oh, well.

c'est la vie (that's probably spelled incorrectly..)

out with it

the computer i am on is dying
but i just needed to post this
because i have to write



i have fucked up.
royally.

i am not this person.





i am this person.


i have let down my professors, myself.
but most importantly,
i have let down the one person who has
busted her ass for me -
my mother.

i only hope that things will work out
i want to stay
i need to stay

i am not a fuck up.
i can't be.

5 am self-resolutions & white hot excitement

Is this a good back piece for a tattoo design?



*********************
In other news,
if the fire is still
there.. if there is
still that "can't-eat, can't-sleep,
reach-for-the-stars, over- the-fence,
world-series kind of stuff"
after a long while,
i think we're it.

no snooz & rememberance.

i am awake.
everyone has either passed out
or left.
i took a caffeine pill
i am awakeeeee.
& since i am taking advantage
of not being sick for
the past 8 minutes i want
to make this post creative
and post videos of some of my favorite
scenes from movies.
i want to be a screenplay writer.
i LOVE film.
i want to go to film school or take
a film class one day.

& I Dare Say,

I've been able for the first time in a long, long time..
Walk away from him.
It's alarming that I am letting go with some sort of
torturesque ease.
I thought I couldn't breathe without him.
It's still hard.
I'm making shallow breaths.
That is all.

i hate you.

i don't know what to say.
what happened.
why.
i'm gone.
emotionally and physically
drained
of everything.
i am a particle.
and these are
practicalities.
fuck this.